Weekly Series – At times like these, it’s what you S.A.Y.
“Hey guys, going to shut down for the weekend,
I’m a bit overwhelmed and need to focus on my family and taking care of things around the house. The past few weeks have been extremely challenging, busy and amazing all at one time… with homeschooling the boys, trying to keep my business alive, live training, and doing all I can to help the community…”
This was a post I recently saw on facebook.
Right now the time I spend on facebook is growing more than I would like to admit. The other thing that is growing every week is the number of posts like the one above.
This is a challenging time for most families. Most states are under some kind of stay at home order. Most school systems have been required to close their physical doors. I expect that most parents never thought they would be adding the role of homeschool teacher to their resume.
Most families are having to shift priorities now that they are stuck at home together during this “CoVid Virus” period in history. Stress and anxiety were already on the rise for most kids around the country. For students in the United States, over 20% were shown to have a diagnosed stress and anxiety disorder. That would be about 4 students in every typical classroom.
Now that these students are in their new school at home with additional stressors, there is a need more than ever to create environments that support stress and anxiety. Sounds so simple right?
With more parents also now required to work from home, everyone is more stressed than ever. Just working remotely causes high stress levels.
A 2017 United Nations report found that 41% of remote workers reported high levels of stress, compared to just 25% of office workers. A recent study of 1,100 workers found that 52% who worked from home at least part of the time were likely to feel left out and mistreated, and were unable to deal with conflict between themselves and colleagues. With greater emphasis on deadlines and routine information virtual workers can feel treated as a cog in a machine, rather than a part of the team.
So what do we do when we see our children having an increase in challenging behavior?
The first step of course would be to establish an environment that supports anxiety. But yes, everyone is doing the best they can at the moment. Most households are just “holding” it together. A first step would be to just recognize that it is what it is. Crazy is not bad and it can increase those family bonds working through the stress together.
But a quick way to provide additional support for your child during these stressful times is in just what you S.A.Y.
The S is for Stop and take a breath!
You already know that your child is trying to communicate something to you through your behavior. All behavior is communication and it starts with asking-what are they trying to tell us?
But when our emotions and stressors take over, that question usually goes right out the window. We automatically shift to “reaction” over “responsive’ mode.
For me I have a bracelet on my wrist and when I begin to feel strong emotions that might lead me into “reacting” I try to give it a pull. That is a reminder for me to just stop and breathe first. With practice I am getting better at this.
The A is for Ask the question.
Now that I have let my first emotions subside, I am in more of a position to ask the question – what are they trying to tell me?
I am now able to put myself in their shoes. If I was them, what might cause me to throw the books across the table? Nine times out of 10 there usually is a logical reason.
I now can remind myself that they may not have the skills and confidence to operate within social expectations. I can assume they are probably doing their best with the emotional resources they have at the time.
The Y is to take care of Yourself first.
We need to remember that the only behavior that we can control is our own. We must do what we need to get ourselves into a ‘good state”. Waiting to deal with the situation is beneficial. Try to re-frame the situation in your mind as something funny. What if the books flying across the table had wings and they began to fly out the window. That might bring a smile to your face. Usually within a few minutes you are ready to laugh. Then deal with the situation, and do something fun afterward.
Find ways to keep your “family” moving in the right direction during this crazy time in history. If the future is heading towards more virtual work and learning, then it is not something we can avoid. Instead we should implement ways of managing all the stress associated with it so we can better enjoy the benefits.
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